Dear Father

Dear Father

When you cheated on her
you cheated on me too
Catching you red-handed
the shock on your face priceless
My eight-year-old brain struggled
Manipulation and bribery
A new toy for my silence

Will you tell or can you keep a secret?
you asked of me
I was a kid, I was confused
Left to my own devices
Struggling with what I witnessed
And the silence asked of me
I did my best until I didn’t

I gave away your secret father,
To mother
Not to sting
But for both of you,
to face the truth
And then the fiery gates of hell opened
consuming us all

Living in the middle
begging you both to stop
fighting tooth and nail
I was unseen and unheard
But used as the conduit
relaying your messages
Breaking your icy silence

For years I carried that pain
Still hurting today
How you both used me
to fight your battles
Scarred for every relationship
Trying to fix your problems
in my own marriages
But I forgive you

Copyright © 2022 Christine Bolton - Poetry for Healing
All Rights Reserved

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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 

  22 comments for “Dear Father

  1. March 25, 2023 at 1:52 pm

    Very powerful message! The hell that men create by being unfaithful is heartbreaking to witness. As a man I have to say that far too many men think it’s manly too cheat, but their is nothing more unmanly than being too weak to live fir your family instead of living fir yourself.

    Thank you for sharing! It’s good for people to think about these things.

    • Christine Bolton
      March 27, 2023 at 9:24 am

      Thank you very much. I appreciate it. ☺️

  2. February 19, 2023 at 10:25 am

    It is a lot to carry for a child, and I don’t think you should be blamed for what you did… still I think you still feel some guilt even as a victim of being used.

    • Christine Bolton
      February 22, 2023 at 11:41 am

      Sadly the guilt does linger well into adulthood 😢

  3. February 17, 2023 at 7:03 pm

    This hurts to read because I know it’s a sad reality for many. Forgiveness is a very hard act and requires tons of will. Mad respect for you, CB 🩶✌️

    • Christine Bolton
      February 17, 2023 at 10:42 pm

      Thanks M Jay. I really appreciate it. You have to forgive. ☺️💕

  4. February 17, 2023 at 3:41 pm

    Glad that you’re healed. A difficult situation for a child to cope with.

    • Christine Bolton
      February 17, 2023 at 5:50 pm

      Yes it was. Thanks for the kind words. ☺️❤️

  5. February 17, 2023 at 1:20 pm

    Dearest heart 💜 I relate… obviously now as an adult you know it’s not your fault, it wasn’t on you… that wound will heal after every drop of this pain is revealed and you give it to the universe… you do not have to carry their shit around, what a blessing to know you do not have to own that pain as your own. 💚

    • Christine Bolton
      February 17, 2023 at 5:49 pm

      Thank you. I really appreciate that. ❤️ I don’t take blame for anything. The only thing that saddens me is that the scars it left affected future relationships. Trust issues in particular 🫤

      • February 17, 2023 at 6:06 pm

        ….. hence why I said what I said. That shit is rooted in blame guilt and shame beloved.

      • Christine Bolton
        February 17, 2023 at 7:09 pm

        Indeed it is. I’m releasing it all ☺️👍💕

  6. sanaarizvi
    February 17, 2023 at 9:41 am

    This is incredibly moving, Christine. I am so relieved to hear that you have healed from this … thank you for sharing.

    • Christine Bolton
      February 19, 2023 at 2:12 am

      Thanks Sanaa. Yes, ancient history ☺️💕

  7. February 16, 2023 at 10:14 pm

    How tragic it is to use a child to fight their battles.

    • Christine Bolton
      February 17, 2023 at 8:20 am

      It certainly is Sadje 😢

      • February 17, 2023 at 8:48 am


  8. February 16, 2023 at 7:15 pm

    Hits very close to home.

    • Christine Bolton
      February 16, 2023 at 10:05 pm

      For many I’m sure Melissa. Thanks for stopping by ☺️💕

  9. February 16, 2023 at 4:49 pm

    Oh I am so very sorry for this experience you’d had and still carry with you. When a child is caught in the middle of a parents’ feud, it is so heartbreaking and can be so cruel. And most especially when the parents either do not understand or ignore the needs of the child….and do not understand that what is said and done when the child is young, will be carried for many many years. I wish for you serenity and the healing warmth of love and laughter.

    • Christine Bolton
      February 16, 2023 at 5:05 pm

      Oh you’re so sweet Lillian ☺️❤️. I am healed. It was all so long ago and I understand my parents did the best they could, although misguided. I grew up hearing my mother say “I’m only staying with him for the sake of the children.” It was like oh no, please don’t. They didn’t understand the damage and baggage we dragged through life 😕

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