Tag: healing

Can you grieve the loss of something you never had?

Can you grieve the loss of something you never had?

The answer, simply, is yes.

A young friend of mine has just shared some sad news.  She was pregnant for the first time but had a miscarriage a few days ago. She and her husband looked forward to this special event with a guarded optimism.  They had kept their special secret until the first trimester had passed and for all intents and purposes my friend should have moved into the dreamy second trimester.

My heart goes out to her at such a difficult time, as I personally know the devastation she is feeling, not just from the physical pain, but the emotional pain that will unfortunately stay with her for a very long time. Unless you have gone through such a traumatic experience it can be incomprehensible.

In my case I realized something was terribly wrong. I knew what was happening and there was nothing I could do about it.  I prayed it was just a scare and not a miscarriage but it was too late.  I will never forget how I felt and what a severe sense of loss I experienced.  It was so profound and it stayed with me for a long time.  I managed to be rational, and realized I would recover eventually, but the miscarriage was hard to accept.  Naturally there is an emotional connection between a mother and her baby in the womb, so the sense of loss was real.  There is also the loss of future.  Hopes and dreams dashed through no fault of anyone.  It’s also possible to feel guilt at this time because you think of all the other expectant mothers who experience not one but multiple miscarriages and they manage to go on, never giving up on their dream.

My young friend will experience all of these confusing thoughts.  Her physical pain will pass quickly but her emotional pain will stay with her for a long time.  She is brave and has youth on her side so I am certain she will have every opportunity to experience life’s miracle and have the family future she longs for and rightly deserves.

The following poem came to me quickly perhaps because it came from a personal experience. I hope you enjoy it.

Loss

My heart is full with news to share
We learn we will no longer be a just a pair

An addition to our family will come in June
Such excitement all around, it can’t come too soon

Things to consider and people to tell
Names thrown around like Anna and Rafael

I am so full of joy my mind is racing
Things to buy and bargains for chasing

A room to decorate and fill with love
A precious gift as if sent from above

But the black cloud came and darkened our lives
Stripped us of happiness and cut like a knife

Swift was its blow that knocked us down
The pain hurts so much I think we will drown

The loss is difficult and hard to comprehend
What did we do wrong for our joy to end?

The sunshine has disappeared and the skies are gray
Try again, we are told, it is going to be okay

It happens frequently or so it appears
But it’s hard to accept what has happened right here

We will cross the bridge that lies up ahead
Confident that our future will not hang by a thread

To lose something you never had is somehow surreal
But with love and understanding we will begin to heal

The creation we lost will stay in our hearts forever
One day soon another will come, so never say never

Christine Bolton

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From a Dark Place

I wrote this poem at a low point in my life when I had experienced emotional pain.  I felt helpless in my situation and was sure my heart was broken irreparably and my head would certainly explode.  When I look back on poems such as this, I am always so taken aback by the darkness of my thoughts and the sheer helplessness that I felt at that time. I eventually got beyond the hurt and was able to live a happy life again, but I find it quite shocking to revisit that state of mind.  Just the act of writing down these feelings has proven to be therapeutic.  It shows me that by letting my words flow onto paper, to describe those emotions and question why, I was able to heal and move on.

I hope these words of mine will somehow resonate with you.

Despair

The darkness came so suddenly
Enveloping me and dragging me into a pit of despair
Blinded and scratching for clarity
Shocked by the swiftness of events, I call to you
You do not hear

You do not listen, you are closed
What is evident is your hurt and anger
As much as I try, you resist me
I want to help and heal your wounds
That were so carelessly inflicted in your past

Dazed and confused
I am lost without you
My love spurned and my efforts rejected
My promise to keep you safe from future pain
Falls on deaf ears

The loss of you is too much to bear
My hurt is deep
Like the slice of a knife through my heart
It will not heal
I did not know how broken you were
And now I know to my detriment

Christine Bolton

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Poetry from the Heart

Poetry from The Heart

The day is fresh and new and filled with unique experiences.  Today we talk about poetry from the heart and how words can heal and inspire us to do great things in this world.

We have all experienced heartache and we turn to different things for comfort and clarity.  In my case I had the need to speak.  When I was younger I would continually ask “Why?” to whoever would listen to me.  I never understood the pain I was feeling and yearned for explanation.  Maybe because I was a child, or perhaps in those days there such a stigma associated with emotional pain,  I could never find the answers I wanted from people.  Instead I found comfort in writing down my experiences.  In the beginning they were just words, such as ‘this hurts’ or ‘what just happened?’  In time they began to flow more freely and took the form of a poem.  The more I wrote, the calmer I became, and just laying down my feelings on paper was therapeutic.  My own words soothed me and gave me an extraordinary strength.  I was highly emotional when I picked up a pen but by the time I had written my last word I felt an immense calm as if I had meditated.

When I look back on poems or journals I have written, I sometimes have to catch my breath.  When we are at peace  with ourselves and have the opportunity to revisit our thoughts from an earlier time it can be quite shocking.  It makes me feel sad to think I was so unhappy and feeling so much angst.  As a result some of my poems can be quite dark but I think they are relatable.  I am however concentrating on writing something more uplifting and positive.  It is so much easier when you are in control and managing your personal pain.

The beauty of our lives is that we can continually learn about the world, ourselves and others.  We should always be open to change, which is of course is inevitable, and learn some new ways of coping.

I invite you to enjoy my poetry and other things that I will share with you.  Please follow my blog and hopefully I will inspire you to write down your thoughts and form beautiful poetry for yourself.

Until the next time.

Christine

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