Tag: loss

Departed

Departed

I harvest the remnants
of our life once complete
Limiting the time I spend
Reminiscing
As my heart now deplete

My eyes look around
the spartan room
Your things gone
and furniture removed
A feeling of empty gloom

My eyes drawn to the window
Afternoon sun bathing the glade
In a matinee performance
of fantastic color and light
A silent serenade

Missing you, still loving you
Feeling you here
Where life used to exemplify
our love and intimacy
Now fated to disappear

Christine Bolton – Poetry for Healing ©

Word Prompts:

Harvest

Spartan

Glade

Limit

Exemplify

OctPoWriMo – October Poem a day

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Evil Woman

Evil Woman

You scarred him for life
Midwife to the devil
So full of jealousy
You egotistical witch
Taking the gift of motherhood
To an unacceptable level

Poor child yearning for approval
Just wishing for the love of his mother
Instead he gets a competitor
A green-eyed monster
Craving the attention meant for him
As if she were his wicked stepmother

A pathological narcissist
Always cruel and wicked
With only love for herself
Doing damage for a lifetime
He was just an innocent boy
Now a man afflicted

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Gone

Gone

No more black and white
Just shadows of grey
Direction is no longer clear
Since you went away

Numerous times
I question why
You left so suddenly
But never a reply

A ghost like presence
Where you once were
Never again
To darken my door

Your essence everywhere
Woven into my life
Carrying it in my body
Twisting against the knife

Your voice lingering
In the empty room
Not answering my words
Nothing left to exhume

Bravado my new guise
Not wishing to show anguish
Reflexive responses
In my misery I languish

A sense of foreboding
You will never return
Life with you
I will have to unlearn

Christine Bolton – Poetry for Healing ©

Word Prompts:

Numerous

Bravado

Reflex

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Fall from Grace

The sound of your voice
Lingers in my head
Your words carved in stone
Like a gravestone for the dead
Breath caught between
My lungs and throat
Leaving me speechless
With no sound to emote
Encircling me as you fire
your ammunition
Not yet triumphant
Until my dissolution
Vex until prey exhausted
Seeing the fear in my eyes
Continue your blasting
Ever a reason to chastise
Always the possibility
Your feelings would turn
Ultimately rejecting me
Like the proverbial worm
An irritation to your delicate self
My face no longer fits your picture
I’m not stroking your ego
Nor resembling your descriptor
Drowning my livelihood
In the sea of your discontent
Regarded as your property
Finding a way to circumvent

Christine Bolton – Poetry for Healing ©

Word Prompts:

Encircle

Dissolve

Vex

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Affinity

Affinity

We are drifting apart
No words have been spoken
We no longer seem to have an affinity
The string on our yo-yo is broken

Like running against the wind
Or going in different directions
Our one has become two
And we have lost our connection

It is debilitating
To lose our other half
Sadness engulfs
And we no longer laugh

Not being with you
Can hurt so much
Like walking with a limp
When there used to be a crutch

Where did this go wrong
I will never understand
We were two peas in a pod
Anything we could withstand

My sense of self
Has begun to wane
An amputee
Suffering a loss with pain

The gild came off the rose
Followed by our rift
We did not take care
Of our precious gift

Our two broken pieces
Will never be mended
Damage was done
But any harm unintended

What is to be the next step
We will have to decide
I fear I will wander aimlessly
Without you at my side

Christine Bolton

Word Prompt of the Day Affinity

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Can you grieve the loss of something you never had?

Can you grieve the loss of something you never had?

The answer, simply, is yes.

A young friend of mine has just shared some sad news.  She was pregnant for the first time but had a miscarriage a few days ago. She and her husband looked forward to this special event with a guarded optimism.  They had kept their special secret until the first trimester had passed and for all intents and purposes my friend should have moved into the dreamy second trimester.

My heart goes out to her at such a difficult time, as I personally know the devastation she is feeling, not just from the physical pain, but the emotional pain that will unfortunately stay with her for a very long time. Unless you have gone through such a traumatic experience it can be incomprehensible.

In my case I realized something was terribly wrong. I knew what was happening and there was nothing I could do about it.  I prayed it was just a scare and not a miscarriage but it was too late.  I will never forget how I felt and what a severe sense of loss I experienced.  It was so profound and it stayed with me for a long time.  I managed to be rational, and realized I would recover eventually, but the miscarriage was hard to accept.  Naturally there is an emotional connection between a mother and her baby in the womb, so the sense of loss was real.  There is also the loss of future.  Hopes and dreams dashed through no fault of anyone.  It’s also possible to feel guilt at this time because you think of all the other expectant mothers who experience not one but multiple miscarriages and they manage to go on, never giving up on their dream.

My young friend will experience all of these confusing thoughts.  Her physical pain will pass quickly but her emotional pain will stay with her for a long time.  She is brave and has youth on her side so I am certain she will have every opportunity to experience life’s miracle and have the family future she longs for and rightly deserves.

The following poem came to me quickly perhaps because it came from a personal experience. I hope you enjoy it.

Loss

My heart is full with news to share
We learn we will no longer be a just a pair

An addition to our family will come in June
Such excitement all around, it can’t come too soon

Things to consider and people to tell
Names thrown around like Anna and Rafael

I am so full of joy my mind is racing
Things to buy and bargains for chasing

A room to decorate and fill with love
A precious gift as if sent from above

But the black cloud came and darkened our lives
Stripped us of happiness and cut like a knife

Swift was its blow that knocked us down
The pain hurts so much I think we will drown

The loss is difficult and hard to comprehend
What did we do wrong for our joy to end?

The sunshine has disappeared and the skies are gray
Try again, we are told, it is going to be okay

It happens frequently or so it appears
But it’s hard to accept what has happened right here

We will cross the bridge that lies up ahead
Confident that our future will not hang by a thread

To lose something you never had is somehow surreal
But with love and understanding we will begin to heal

The creation we lost will stay in our hearts forever
One day soon another will come, so never say never

Christine Bolton

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From a Dark Place

I wrote this poem at a low point in my life when I had experienced emotional pain.  I felt helpless in my situation and was sure my heart was broken irreparably and my head would certainly explode.  When I look back on poems such as this, I am always so taken aback by the darkness of my thoughts and the sheer helplessness that I felt at that time. I eventually got beyond the hurt and was able to live a happy life again, but I find it quite shocking to revisit that state of mind.  Just the act of writing down these feelings has proven to be therapeutic.  It shows me that by letting my words flow onto paper, to describe those emotions and question why, I was able to heal and move on.

I hope these words of mine will somehow resonate with you.

Despair

The darkness came so suddenly
Enveloping me and dragging me into a pit of despair
Blinded and scratching for clarity
Shocked by the swiftness of events, I call to you
You do not hear

You do not listen, you are closed
What is evident is your hurt and anger
As much as I try, you resist me
I want to help and heal your wounds
That were so carelessly inflicted in your past

Dazed and confused
I am lost without you
My love spurned and my efforts rejected
My promise to keep you safe from future pain
Falls on deaf ears

The loss of you is too much to bear
My hurt is deep
Like the slice of a knife through my heart
It will not heal
I did not know how broken you were
And now I know to my detriment

Christine Bolton

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