Tag: Pain

Fight

Fight

I choose no fight
Portraying only composure
When you are less than happy
I feel trapped in this enclosure

Nothing can lift your darkness
No matter how I endeavor
Angry at the world
Aiming at whomever

Your words delivered
With such fervor
Those that hear them
Display a shiver

Eyes blinded in rage
Not seeing where your words fall
Nothing can stop this onslaught
We are heading for a brawl

My only defense is offence
Fight is necessary to survive
You’ve put me in a corner
There is no time to contrive

I will come out swinging
It is the only way I know
Whose voice is louder
Such pain to bestow

The battle of words continues
There are no winners or losers
It continues for several days
This championship of accusers

A road to nowhere
Why do we insist on going
Taking us down the dark path
The destination unknowing

When will it end
For it most surely should
I am all cried out now
It has done neither of us any good

Christine Bolton

Word of the Day Challenge Fervor

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Demise

Demise

The moody music you are playing
Is no friend to my disposition
I am trying to wrap my arms
Around our imminent demise

Someone so focused and organized
I am at a loss for what to do next
Spinning in circles of confusion
With tears in my eyes

Angry words screamed at each other
Shameful and painful
Why do we do this to each other?
There is never a winner or a prize

Not willing for further confrontation
I slip into the quiet
You are not finished though
And you seek to further chastise

Fleeing to alternative quarters
To avoid another onslaught
I am followed like a shadow
You continue to antagonize

If you don’t want me to respond
Then let this battle cease
You will not wear me down
I will fight until I capsize

Mellifluous words spoken
Would be music to our ears
Why don’t we stop and listen
We are just spewing out lies

Where will this end?
How many times have I asked myself?
I am blinded by many emotions
Which are difficult to rationalize

Frozen in time
I fear the next move
Will you continue to be umbrageous?
Or will we reach a compromise?

Christine Bolton

In response to Cyranny’s Cove Word of the Day: Mellifluous

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Retrospective

Dealing with the past
Is brave for some
Easier to ignore and move on
Too many obstacles to overcome

Keeping bad memories
Alive inside you
Will cause them to fester
And exit like a witches brew

Poisonous thoughts
Will gnaw at your mind
Best to deal with them
One at a time

A Retrospective view
Of what has hindered
Will allow you to grow
And feel less injured

Unless you visit
And heal your past
You will boomerang back
To being typecast

Clear the path for your life
Moving Forward
Deal with your demons
And you will never be cornered

Christine Bolton

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Dark versus Light

 

Being a fairly new blogger some of you are slowly getting to know me through my poetry and things I care deeply about.  Looking back through the work that I have yet to share with you, it is clear that my writing stems from experiencing some dark moments in my life.  To me it was a therapeutic way to deal with life’s challenges. Although I have included some of these darker poems in my recent posts, I have certainly tried lately to lighten the mood with some sweeter sounding prose.   I have been using the Daily Prompts from WordPress to ignite something inside me and send me on a creative path.  I think it has been working, as I would never have thought to write anything entitled ‘Archaic’ but I did and I was quite pleased with the result!

As I am at a happy point in my life I have started to write some more enlightening poetry and hope you will enjoy it.  My intention is to post at least one uplifting poem a week just so you know I’m not a totally miserable wreck of a person!

I still truly believe that there are many benefits to writing out your thoughts, good and bad, Whether you write in a journal or put your words into poetry it can have a healing effect.  It has helped me my whole life and I’m not going to stop anytime soon.

Thanks for listening and hope you enjoy my writing.

Below is something lighthearted.

Love is Alive and Well

Yes it’s me I’m still here
You thought I had suffocated
As it happens I am alive and well
News of my demise has been grossly overrated

I am here once more
On display In all my splendor
Words of spoken passion and undying devotion
Always wondrous and tender

I am love and I conquer all
So they always say
I shoot a transfusion to your heart
So you know you’re alive for another day

Although I can be broken and stomped on
More times than you will ever know
I can also be buried deep down
And refuse to come out fearing another blow

My resilience is remarkable
Although I sometimes refuse to believe
That I can still be alive after so much pain
So for me you should surely grieve

At times I choose to hibernate
In my prepared burrow
It protects me and keeps me safe
When I fear of letting go

As Love I get to live another day
Being always brave and fearless
Laying it out there and you will point your arrows
And I will forever show you forgiveness

Christine Bolton

Where there is love there is life. Mahatma Gandhi

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Hope

Hope

There are so many people in the world who through no fault of their own go without the basic things in life.  Food, shelter, love, income, family and in some cases even a country. Such hardship and suffering exists both at home and abroad.  One thing they do all have is hope.  Hope is omnipresent and deep within all of us.  It reminds us we are alive and there is still a chance that things will get better.  We cling to it as if our life depends on it because without hope there is nothing. We have all experienced some form of despair at low times and we can feel very alone.  It made me realize how just simple gestures from those we know, and also from strangers, can make such a difference to our lives and ease some of the suffering.  A kind thought costs us nothing neither does spending a little of our time with someone who is lonely.  Sharing some food could be the difference between going to bed hungry or not for a desperate person.  If we can be anything in this life, shouldn’t we be kind?

Hope

The light at the end of the tunnel
A glimmer of something outside of pain
The thread you hang on to
So life would not be in vain

A hand keeping your head above water
Someone saying a kind word
Breaking through the silence
Like the gentle song of a bird

The five dollar bill in your jeans
That made it through the wash
You’re going to make it by any means
Your dreams will not be squashed

Optimism in the face of adversity
Don’t let them ever get you down
Pessimism is not in your lexicon
A big hug to wipe away that frown

Wishes to be granted
A talk back from the ledge of despair
The kindness of those you don’t know
Who will send up a prayer

A good wish from a stranger
Someone aware of your heartache
A basket of food left at your door
Or perhaps a homemade cake

These gestures are so small to many
But those who are down on their luck
Will absorb them like a sponge
Because that’s all they have to get unstuck

Sometimes hope is all we have
When times make it hard to cope
Life can take more that it will give
But in the end there is always hope

Christine Bolton

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Live and Let Live

Live and Let Live

I regard myself as a very lucky person.  I have had low points in my life along with dizzying heights of happiness only to descend back down again.  I am fortunate because I have experienced both.  I have been sad and happy, hungry and full, poor and not so poor, loved and unloved, young and old.

Our life, to others, is never what it seems, and it is so easy for us to judge each other.  When we are without, we envy those that appear to have it all.  When we are hungry we resent those who we perceive as squandering money.  It is always an “us versus them” mentality because it is easy to criticize and play victim.  We never really know what is truly going on in someone else’s life. Even though they might appear to have everything, they could well be suffering immense pain from health issues, or perhaps going through a divorce or even losing a family member. Such resentment on our part is unhealthy and cultivating negative thoughts can hurt us in the long run.  What perhaps would be an easier thing to do is to turn the negativity into something positive. When we are not struggling financially, wouldn’t that the best time to help those less fortunate?  When our stomachs are full shouldn’t we donate to the Food Bank?  I see life as an ongoing opportunity to experience everything that is thrown our way. To appreciate the highs and lows, the good and the bad, and to never forget where we have come from. Always remember that at some point in our lives someone has helped us up and the right thing to do is always pay it forward.  It can be hard work to get there but ultimately it is worth it.  Live and let live is an expression I use a lot and it inspired me to write this poem.

Live and Let Live

I look to the horizon
Where the sea meets the sky
My life peculiarly in balance
I break down and cry

Can this really be happening
To the likes of me
No one ever gave me anything
Without the third degree

For so many years
Just hitting the wall
Disappointment and failure
Avoiding the curve ball

What life always threw at me?
Ready or not
I never understood the meaning
Of this terrible plot

To knock me down
More times than I cared
Only for me to get up
As this game was not yet declared

Then you came along
And evened the playing field
So I had a chance this time
With no need to carry the shield

You made it safe so that I
Could be the best I could be
I am scared no more
And at last I feel free

I have been kicked around by life
Battered and bruised
I can see the light
And I am no longer confused

Now I am on the side
Of what I perceive is right
I will champion those less fortunate
As I understand their plight

Life is better for me
As you opened my eyes
To the beauty in the world
That is no longer in disguise

Christine Bolton

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Love and Pain – How Animals Enrich Our Lives

Sienna

I know they are not, but in my opinion these two words, love and pain, should be synonymous.  One doesn’t exist without the other and they are the evil twins of vocabulary.  The good twin gives the love and the evil twin delivers the pain.

Love is our oxygen.  We breathe it in and we feel our spirits lift to the point of being light-headed and giddy. Just when we are drunk on love, it gets snatched away and we suffer with the pain like a hangover.  I much prefer love.

When I reflect on love and pain I first think of the happiness and anguish of human relationships, although the same applies to the bond we have with our pets.  We have come to rely on them for companionship and of course love, but more and more, we depend on them as service dogs or service animals to help us both physically and emotionally.  They are an important part of our lives and as a result deep bonds are formed.  I began to think about all the animals that came in and out of my life and what they meant to me.

I must say of every pet I have owned, whether cats, dogs, tortoises, fish, small birds, exotic big birds and horses, they all presented me with a personality that was suited to mine at that time in my life.  I fondly remember some of the antics of my menagerie of pets over the years and the unconditional love they gave me.

My first cat as a child became my best friend who endured hours of torture being dressed in baby clothes and wheeled around in a stroller. He was so much more fun than a doll. As I would lay on the floor doing my homework, and usually fretting over it, he would climb onto my back and park there, purring, for the duration.  He was the best buddy an 8 year-old girl could have.

One time I came home from work to find my young Golden Retriever had chewed every possible thing he could reach, from hairbrush to can opener to gnawing right through the drywall until he reached the stud.  He was actually sitting triumphantly on top of the dining room table when I came into the house.  What could you do?

Then there was the duckling that waddled out from under the couch one evening as I watched TV.  Where he came from I’ll never know and the cat just sat there washing himself nonchalantly as if it had absolutely nothing to do with him.

I still wonder how, and which one of the three cats I owned, managed to get the live pigeon through the cat door and let him live until I came home from work.  I’ll never forget unlocking the door and all three black cats were lined up in the hallway staring at me as I entered.  I remember thinking that didn’t look right.  I turned around to close the front door and there sat the terrified pigeon. Who knows how long he had been sitting there.  Poor thing.  He could have had a heart attack as they probably taunted him for hours.

Then there was my sweet Mastiff who, while carrying a headless squirrel in her mouth, tried to bring it into the house for me. This beautiful docile dog was so excited to share it!  Have you ever tried blocking a determined 150 lb. dog from coming through a door? It wasn’t easy. I still refuse to believe she decapitated it, but it still haunts me.

Every one of these wonderful, funny creatures, and others I have not mentioned, brought such pleasure to my life, and for the small price of a good home and some food, they gave me so much love and some pretty unusual gifts!  If I was sad, a head would plop onto my lap or a paw would be laid on my knee. Or that purring in my ear and a kitty cat shoulder massage would bring a smile to my face and make my troubles disappear.  I remember sitting in my horse’s stall and crying over something that would bring an end to the world, and he would nicker just to let me know it was OK.  Happy days for them would be a car ride, always guaranteed to excite, maybe picking out a new toy at the pet store, or a gallop across the fields.  Their needs were so simple and all they wanted was to be with me.  Unfortunately our pet’s time with us is not long but the pleasure they bring lasts a lifetime.  Although I never will understand how man’s best friend, can live such a short life and a parrot or tortoise can live until they are 75!

When the dreadful day comes and the Evil Twin pays a visit, some difficult decisions have to be made.  This is hard on all of us and facing the inevitable can be heart wrenching.  It hasn’t been too long since we said goodbye to our Chocolate Lab.  We were not given the opportunity to even make that difficult decision as she was taken from us so suddenly by a freakish, large dog condition and could not be saved.  It was a devastating loss and we still have moments of such sorrow when she pops into our minds or we see another Lab.  I wrote the following poem shortly after losing her and I read it whenever I am feeling sad or I’m reminded of her.  It always helps and brings a smile to my face as I remember her sweetness.

I hope it reminds you of a four-legged friend or dear pet that might have lost.

Thank you for reading this.

Christine

Sienna

Your restless feet in the morning, anxious to communicate
Always thoughtful and considerate, but you could barely wait
Even when you needed our attention, you wanted to please
But we loved you so dearly we would drop to our knees

Sienna, your sweet look, always a happy puppy-doodle-doo
Your daily ritual meant we had so much love for you
You had your order of how things should be
And we followed you through the motions because your joy was ours, you see

Our world revolved around you and your happiness was important
Whatever it took and no matter the cost, we would never be complacent
We were blessed with your warmth and goodness every day
But what a cruel world it was that took you away

Our sadness and grief are beyond unbearable
And the loss of you completely unacceptable
Our memories are fresh in our hearts and will not fade soon
Our thoughts of you warm and loving and should be placed in a balloon

We would then send it up, way into the sky
Off into the wild blue yonder where dogs might fly
With a wish that it would find you somewhere, happy, healthy and content
And you would read our words to know that for us, it was as if you never went

You will never be forgotten and hope you are not alone
Our love for you is deep, as if carved in stone
We miss you so much our sweet chocolate dog
If we spell dog backwards then there is a God

Christine Bolton

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From a Dark Place

I wrote this poem at a low point in my life when I had experienced emotional pain.  I felt helpless in my situation and was sure my heart was broken irreparably and my head would certainly explode.  When I look back on poems such as this, I am always so taken aback by the darkness of my thoughts and the sheer helplessness that I felt at that time. I eventually got beyond the hurt and was able to live a happy life again, but I find it quite shocking to revisit that state of mind.  Just the act of writing down these feelings has proven to be therapeutic.  It shows me that by letting my words flow onto paper, to describe those emotions and question why, I was able to heal and move on.

I hope these words of mine will somehow resonate with you.

Despair

The darkness came so suddenly
Enveloping me and dragging me into a pit of despair
Blinded and scratching for clarity
Shocked by the swiftness of events, I call to you
You do not hear

You do not listen, you are closed
What is evident is your hurt and anger
As much as I try, you resist me
I want to help and heal your wounds
That were so carelessly inflicted in your past

Dazed and confused
I am lost without you
My love spurned and my efforts rejected
My promise to keep you safe from future pain
Falls on deaf ears

The loss of you is too much to bear
My hurt is deep
Like the slice of a knife through my heart
It will not heal
I did not know how broken you were
And now I know to my detriment

Christine Bolton

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