Today I was at the grocery store and the self-serve registers were all busy so I stood in line at a regular check out. There was just one lady in front of me and she was about done. Well I thought she was. Right as the cashier swiped the the last item and hit the total button, the lady started talking about where she was from, and what is was like way back when, blah blah blah. Of course the cashier paid absolutely no attention to the growing line behind me. They were having a good old time jawing away like a couple of cackling hens. Then, just when I thought she was finished and about to pay, she pulled out a check book. Who does that these days? Not only was it a check she wanted to write, it was an out of state check. Arghhhhh! 😦 Need I say more? I left my items on the conveyer belt and walked out.
My challenging weeks continue as I try to adapt to the changes forced on my by a current family situation. It requires a lot of patience and the ability to remain flexible. Sounds easy, right? Not really, but you learn to evolve and tell yourself that it’s not forever. You rely on the efficiency of others at times like this and when that doesn’t work, well ….
I am the status quo
My temperament even
Contained and rarely sad or angry
Life is too short for either
I rationalize the ups and downs of my life
Easily, effortlessly and with thought for others
This is who I have learned to be
When your sweet soul gets lost in your indignation
The dark shadow encompasses you and all in your path
Which includes me
I dread it
It comes from nowhere and swiftly
It swallows me
Stripping me of my composure
Sucking me into the abyss of whatever has displeased you
You feel justified in your state
And question my emotions
That are now so unraveled and visible
You have no patience with me
And you are now challenging in your address
You feel justified by your displeasure and subsequent rant
And you cannot understand why I do not agree
How does this happen?
I fear it and when it comes
It is as if struck by your words
It is not a happy time
I struggle to get past it
I sweep it under the carpet and pretend it didn’t happen
I enable you
By doing so you get a free pass to do it again
What does that say about me?